I believe this thought is from St John of the Cross: "Where there is no love, put love and you will find love."
The other day I had a good conversation with someone who told me about a painful situation in her family. This person had an abusive mother, and wanted to somehow come to terms with her mother before she died. The daughter went through a journey of forgiveness and was able to confront her mother in love with the pain. She said to me that in order to do something like that, it has to be said out of love, otherwise it doesn't have any effect. It's better to say nothing if we can't say it out of love. I really had to admire her for going through such difficulties and coming out a loving person. Prayer and her deep relationship with Jesus made all the difference.